Thursday, December 30, 2010

2010: That Was the Year that Was...and a brace of absurdities

"Years are terrible things."
Joseph Conrad

We are at that point in the year when introspection is the order of the day, time to examine the year that has so recently passed and effort given to planning what might happen in the next.  And so I begin with personal "Best of..." and "Worst of..." lists.

Another year of expansive reading (and listening) with the 2010 count at 125 books.  Most were unremarkable, slim pickings.

The Best

  • Lennox, Craig Russell's first novel in a series featuring World War II veteran Lennox, a Canadian  living in 1950s Glasgow.  Morally empty, Lennox works for the Three Kings, crime bosses-one Catholic, one Protestant, and one Jewish-who stand in for the sectarian violence that plagued the city.  Gritty, well-plotted.
  • The Amateurs, John Niven...my second plug of one of the funniest books I have ever read.  And I don't even golf. (Thanks, John Hamilton)
Honorable Mentions:
  • Matterhorn, Karl Mariantes.  Viet Nam-era magnum opus.  Mind-numbing, bone-chilling realism, complex, nuanced, brutal. (Thanks, Chris Britton)
  • The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet, David Mitchell.  Rich, textured novel about Dutch traders in eighteenth century Japan.  (Thanks, Vince Reardon)
I am also enjoying mysteries written by Tana French, a Dublin actress who has turned her creative talents to writing.  

The Worst:
  • Dead or Alive, Michael McGarity.  Makes The Ludlum List (where I banish writers who write the same novel over and over again) in two books.
  • The Book of Lies, Brad Meltzer.  Stupid, just stupid.
In the world of movies the pickings were also slim.  The best movie I saw in 2010 was The Hurt Locker, Academy Award winning best movie from 2009.  The worst, hands down was Robin Hood, the Russell Crowe vehicle.  When Cate Blanchett rode onto the beach leading her army I began laughing so hard I nearly fell off the couch.  Not what the director intended, I am sure.  The Coen Brothers remake of True Grit, is better than the ham-handed original.  Then again, anyone reading this is probably a better actor than Glen Campbell.

Around here, 2010 will always be remembered as the year of our Scottish Adventure.  Our nine weeks in Glasgow is recollected every day.  We miss our friends and plan to call them tomorrow to wish them good cheer for Hogmanay.

I promised a pair of absurdities.

#1: Prep-school, Trinity College graduate and bow-tie wearing Tucker Carlson, has weighed in on Michael Vick, proclaiming that the African-American quarterback should have been executed for his crimes against dogdom.  He began his absurdist rant by first proclaiming, "I am a Christian."  Is it just me, but when someone begins to explain his or her view with that pronouncement, you are almost certain to get a decidedly un-Christian view?  Intolerant, ignorant, bigoted, uninformed.  I certainly don't condone what Vick did;  he has paid for his crime-nineteen months in jail, two years out of professional football, and personal bankruptcy.  Obviously not enough to satisfy pompous prig Carlson.  C'mon, man, this is America!  We are the country of second-chances and we love nothing better than a good redemption story.

#2: New Mexico governor, Bill Richardson, days away from leaving office, is pondering whether or not he should give a pardon for William Bonney, aka, Billy the Kid.  Evidently things in New Mexico are going so well that the governor can ignore double digit unemployment, a wheezing educational system, and abject poverty to actually weigh the merits of pardoning a killer who died 130 years ago.  Who gives a shit?  Is there anyone still alive from those days to whom this would really matter?  This is why all politicians are nothing but pandering ass-clowns.

Happy New Year!

Friday, December 3, 2010

Qatar or Catarrh

Qatar?


Qatar?

You’re shitting me, right? Qatar.

Forget investigating the sachems of FIFA for corruption, I recommend opening a full-blow drug investigation. Team Sepp Blatter must be smoking or snorting something to have come up with a brace of lame-brained decisions for the 2018 and 2022 sites for the World Cup…or should I write World Cup™?

I cannot add to the deluge of vitriol pouring from our normally stiff-upper-lipped cousins across the pond. England, home of the best professional football league in the world, and also home to savvy, world-traveling fans is as perplexed at the anointing of Russia as we are over…Qatar.

The country has a smaller population than San Diego, a mere digit of land blessed only by the presence of a shitload of oil, with summer temperatures in excess of 110° F, 44° C. Qatar is supposedly a very rich country. How rich can it be when it can’t even afford a U? When Mr. Blatter pulled the note card out of the envelope to make the formal announcement, the head of Qatar delegation was as shocked as the rest of us, raising his eyebrow in wonder. Not eyebrows, his one eyebrow.

Qatar’s football team has never qualified for the tournament, and hosting the Cup may be the only way they will ever qualify.

Qatar already boasts the highest per capita carbon emissions of any country in the world. (Fact: you can look it up.) The country must build stadiums and additional infrastructure to accommodate the sporting festival. Solar technology will cool the stadium and promoters claim these stadiums will be carbon neutral.

My arse.

Sepp Blatter, the same nattering nabob (sorry, Spiro) who refused to allow goal cameras for the World Cup, has shown his fondness for lucre and his total disdain for the football fan. While Mr. Blatter will arrive in a private jet and be driven to a limousine to a air-conditioned private box, the average fan will struggle to enter the country, find a place to stay, and melt while trudging to the as-yet non-existent venues. Most sports barons are brain-dead and blind to the plight of the fans who actually spend the money that fuels their sport’s respective popularity. Blatter is in a class all his own.

Americans are always derided as not being a football (soccer) friendly nation. Even the minority of us who are fans of the beautiful game far outstrip, as a total, the populations of most other countries. And the passion for the game has been building in the States, witness the excitement during the 2010 Cup, where, despite the time zone issues, the United States national team games drew tremendous interest.

We may be a naïve, young country, but we can smell a rat. The fix was in. Shame on FIFA.

I suggest that we now turn to one of national treasures, the Reverend Jesse Jackson, who with a bit of versifying, can lead us into a promised land of boycotting the 2022 World Cup.

A tip of hat to my mate, Tim Wheatcroft, late of Nottingham for the loan of the homonym catarrh.